write it to me ♥

For years and years i've been chasing this dream. I wanted it so badly , i sacrifice so much time , i put in so much effort and i was so determine that nothing is gonna change my goal. In my heart , that was the bull eye that i'm gonna hit. Someday... but after 8 years , i continue to chase the goal , to get what i want no matter what ! Today was the day i finally get the answer , i can't get it. Even thou after 8 years of hard work it doesn't mean anything. Yes , people said that its just an award , no big deal , but to me , it means everything in my life.It makes me feel that i finally achieve something that i wanted so desperately. The pain of you can't get the things you want after freaking 8 years is just...hurt. Bleeding inside , thinking for a way to solve it yet you know that you can't do anything about it. To tell the truth , i almost gave up my SPM for it , just to attend the camp for that award but because of my family situation i couldn't do that. This year , i finally get a chance to attend it. I was so happy and it feels like , ONE more step , just ONE more and i'll get what i've been hunting for this 8 years. Sigh. But of course it didn't turn to be that way i wanted...nothing can be done , no one to be blamed , just sitting silently crying alone. Today , is the saddest day of my life.

when all hopes suddenly become disappointment. :'(